Don’t talk to me, it gives me insomnia.
Little Weapons
To our toddler: Daddy is a mean man and he can’t be trusted.
Shanked
I stabbed you in my mind.
Abuse!
Me: I never deserve to be hit
Wife: Sometimes you do.
A Lotta Water Under the Bridge
Me: How many years have we known each other?
Wife: Too many.
Aww, That is So Sweet. Wait, What?
It’s not you and me against the world, it’s me and the world against you.
Oh Heart, Why Are You Beating Like a Hammer?
Your heart beat is too loud.
So Much for THAT Career
You are such a bad actor you couldn’t even be in a porn
My Fortune
You are like Chinese food. You are both sweet and sour.
Occupy This
You are a decent person 99% of the time. It’s the other 1%…